Ragnar the Pioneer Rat of the Design District
*This was an invite to the Rat Pack (our neighbors + friends) to help capture the Elusive One - a lost rat in our town that had become way too comfortable on our properties. We assembled our forces of good on Friday the 13th.
Congrats! You are one lucky operative!
Dear John (+Jane),
You have been selected as a member of the Special Ops Rat Task Force! What's that you ask? You didn't know we had rats in Anchorage?! Well, we aren't supposed to and we'd like to get back to those blissful times - hence the Task Force.
As a member of this highly skilled, intelligent, bold, clever force - we aim to take back our city! No more letting The Elusive One roam free in the Last Frontier. The Rat-a-tat-tat needs to come to an end. Ragnar the Pioneer rat is no ordinary rat. He has defied all odds and overcome great adversity to successfully arrive in Anchorage (officially known as one of the last international rat-free ports in the world). He also miraculously braved his first winter in the frigid North.
Suspected Traits of Ragnar:
Pioneer spirited, brave soul & extreme adventurer
Sporting an Icelandic sheepskin coat - either natural or rat-made bespoke
Wearing either Bunny Boots or Uggs
Capable of hacking into wifi & illegally streaming podcasts, scandi-noire films, Icelandic heavy metal & survivalist shows like Man vs. Wild
Has exquisite taste in hospitality venues
On par with Einstein & Stephen Hawking in intelligence
Hates Magpies
Is wearing a Viking helmet & drinks aquavit
Might be capable of ninja-like acrobatics (word on the street is that he used to perform with Cirque du Soleil & trained with Jackie Chan!)
He's a design addict. He may be sporting chic glasses & likely foraged local materials for his design-build home full of bespoke DIY furnishings.
What?:
We are going to outsmart the smarty-pants pioneering Viking Norway Rat.
We will succeed in catching Ragnar alive.
The specific details will be revealed in our Team Meeting.
There may be an endoscope involved, possibly some duct tape, maybe zip-ties & probably a set of teeny tiny handcuffs.
We will catch our subject rat-handed and hand him over to the appropriate authorities. (Fish & Game)
Where?:
We will assemble our forces of good on the Anchorage Museum’s lawn Friday the 13th of April at 7pm.
We will confer off-site to avoid spooking our suspect. Once ready, we will stealthily tiptoe like the ninja warriors we are into place at Ground Zero.
Wear?:
Please dress in all black. We highly recommend leather, thick steel toe or similar boots, and spikes - akin to a badass motorcycle gang with a designer slant.
There could be an exception for lumberjack attire - like chainsaw pants, chainsaw protective helmets and the like.
Basically we want to be adequately protected - so if your gear of choice to provide the most protection isn't black - that's ok too. You might be delegated to the B Team but... JK! Mostly :)
Think leg gaiters, thick leather gloves, welding face-masks, construction helmets, etc. We want no skin exposed to Ragnar.
Why?:
Because we give a damn.
This might be our last fight in the fight against crime. Ok, in rodent-related crime. One knocked up rat can turn into over 30,000 rats in a year.
Because it matters.
Because we’ve followed the standard protocols with hyper proactive due diligence for ~8 months with total failure. Ragnar is one smart cookie.
*Special Note* We are not a professional Task Force, nor do we pretend to be one. This is all in good fun and voluntary. What happens in the Special Ops Rat Task Force stays in the SORTF. Participation is done through free will and at the risk of the individual operatives. No animals of any kind shall be hurt in this message. We aim to catch our friendly arch-nemesis alive.
**Super Special Note** If successful (which we will be as failure isn't in our Modus Operandi), we will be handsomely rewarded! The awards are at the discretion of the Command Center and are a surprise but we promise they will be ratastic!
May the force be with us dealing with Ratatouille in the Real World,
xx, Special Ops Agent 009
*Please see the attached portrait of Ragnar drawn from memory of his last sighting. We expect he has remained the same while on the run but won’t be surprised if he’s sporting a disguise. Ragnar is a suspected spy with an extensive Rat-Sheet. He will have developed numerous skills to avoid the authorities while at large on the streets. He is likely lonely and looking for friends but do not be fooled by his pity party, demure stance, stylish attire or bashful whiskers – this pioneer rat is looking to shake up our rat-free ways and alter life as we know it in the Last Frontier.
**Update: Despite a huge turn-out we were not success at capturing Ragnar. As we have said - he was no ordinary rat. We suspect Ragnar was watching our shenanigans sitting in the trees in tears of laughter. We never saw any signs of Ragnar after this act and a little later in the summer a rat made the Alaskan news. Was it him? Could it have been him?! The curiosity continues… see the article below.
AUTHORITIES SEARCH FOR ROGUE RODENT ON RAT-FREE ALASKA ISLAND